Cookouts, Carnivals and Campouts

Derek and I both have grandfathers that served in World War 2. I am so thankful to them and their brothers for allowing us the freedoms we have today...one of which being a day away from my beige cubicle.

I have worked every single weekend since Thanksgiving, and made a purposeful resolution to stay away from all monitors and screens for this 3-day respite from the corporate hamster wheel. Our only messages were spoken, the only "circling back" happened on a carousel, and our team meetings were held around the dinner table or the campfire.








Tomorrow I'll go back to work and have an inbox full of messages from everyone who worked over the weekend to get ahead.

Maybe I'll just hit delete.

And...he's off!

THURSDAY, MAY 20:
The day I got back from New York, I worked from home...and it happened! Derek, Ella and I all witnessed four tiny steps that represented the beginning of a great journey for our sweet little guy. I didn't videotape that day, but here's a video we took over the weekend.

The hibernation ends

WOW: May ROCKS!
Today is Memorial Day—the last day of the month—and I'm counting my blessings as I look back on May.

After a horrible winter and a rainy spring, May brought blue skies and mid-70's. Ella found freedom from her goopy eye, Derek's ankle healed, and Carson Ellis Sands took his very first steps.

We had all the grandparents home from Florida, Andrea and Chris were in town, and we got to see Cindy, Ben and the boys after a long winter.

It started with a Mother's Day that involved getting seven (7!) cards from our sweet girl and a sloppy kiss from Carson. I had a wonderful day of flower-planting with my tiny assistant by my side. We discussed water levels, theories on the best way to plant (digging holes in the dirt that's there vs. placing flowers and filling in around them...very important topics on which to take a stand) and color balance.

The next weekend, we celebrated Amblen's 6th and Parker's 10th birthday on the lake with family and friends.

I had a great trip to NYC for the National Stationery Show...and prayed the whole time that I would not miss Carson's first steps.

Miss Ella got to celebrate her birthday with Montessori friends before the school year ends this week.

Under the knife: Part 2

When ella was only a few months old, we noticed that her left eye always appeared tearful. It would get goopy in the morning and bother her all day, especially in the cold. Her pediatrician referred us to a specialist for this issue, which is evidently quite common. It's a symptom of an underdeveloped or clogged tear duct, which a small percentage of children outgrow. When the specialist said the words "wire probe" and "anesthesia," my knees buckled. We decided to wait and see if maybe she'd be in that small percentage.

Fast forward to age 4. There is a chapped area under Ella's eye because her winter colds cause natural congestion...and while most kids are wiping their noses, she's wiping her eye. Finally she asked, "Mommy, people always think I'm crying. Can we PLEASE get my eye fixed?"

I realized it was time for us to get rid of the fear and just go do it. We had a second meeting with the specialist in March, and the procedure was scheduled for May 5. Derek's parents kept Carson for us, so Derek and I could take her in at 6:00am. Here's what she looked like after donning her lovely surgical gown:


Then after the shot of tylenol and Versed, a sedative: ("Mommy...why do you...have four eyes? What are all those floaty...things...in...the air?")


Then they wheeled her away. I smiled and waved to her, then promptly grabbed Derek and raced to the double exit doors. We crashed through them, and I buried my sobbing face in his chest. There is nothing—NOTHING—more heartbreaking than watching Strangers In Uniform wheel your firstborn child away when she's out of her mind, and they are armed with very sharp objects. There's something maternal that kicks in...a blend of worry and warrior.

Over the next 40 minutes she was under gas and a breathing tube as they they probed the tear ducts in her upper and lower eyelids, then fed a small tube into her upper eyelid and into her nasal cavity, where a small angio balloon filled with liquid and eight pounds of pressure to open the passage where tears drain.

S stands for "surgical site" to mark the correct eye.

She came out groggy and more aggravated than I have ever seen her. I can't say I blame her. We all spent a quiet day at home with the company of her sweet grandparents. As of today, she is back on her feet again. We should all remember to be thankful for the thousands of systems in our body, as small and seemingly insignificant as this one, that work just as they should. I know one little girl who very thankful, indeed.

A Mother's Mind

3:00 a.m. and there I lay, head spinning

strategy meetings, immunizations, diaper rash
empty college funds, unpaid bills, endless laundry
bad brakes, school enrollment, five year plans, denied claims

eye surgery, meal plans, refinance packets, two little lives
am I old or wise enough to be in charge
this heavy blanket won't let me breathe

I toss back the covers and my feet hit the floor
creep toward the back door in my oversized t-shirt
I turn the knob and open it wide, just to see the night

the night air smells like fresh earth and honeysuckle
I move across the damp grass that glistens in the moonlight
her swing hangs still between two great oaks

the only sound is a cricket chorus as the
silver silhouettes of the treetops applaud in the night breeze
It's perfect.

I sit down in the swing to rock and breathe
slowly my momentum builds, feet leaving the ground
hair blowing behind me as I gulp the fresh air

extended, toes pointed, I lean back and laugh at the stars
my cotton shirt bellows in the wind
flying so high I could kiss the moon

I am ten again