Four Days Away

Once per quarter, I leave the boundaries of what's offered in Dayton Ohio (!) to seek out the latest-and-greatest trends and color forecasts. The Art Directors go, and we shop and scout and have meetings to determine what's the right direction for our product lines. While our destination is usually New York, this time we opted for Los Angeles.

It was one thing for me to travel on business when we had Ella...and quite another with a second baby. I packed 6 different bags. I made calendars for Derek's mom and my mom since they would be helping, and typed up a schedule to help them decipher Carson's coos and howls. I bought gel packs, ice, a nursing shawl, small coolers, aluminum foil, bubble wrap and fedex supplies to ship Carson's frozen milk back to him from the sunny west coast before it melted. Let me tell you, it's hard to be a good mom from thousands of miles away.

After all that preparation (and once I had made it through security with what certainly looked like the makings of a meth lab in my suitcase) I finally took my seat on the plane headed west. The agenda was packed and the days were long, but the payoff was huge. Mollee, Renee and I left with a very good idea of what our 2010/2011 lines could offer.




But if I'm being honest, I think the biggest payoff of my first time away is this: I got to step away for awhile and be the girl in the big city. I got to be creatively inspired and surrounded by beauty. I got to stretch out on a big fluffy bed in a beautiful hotel, and wake up with a great cup of coffee on the penthouse sundeck.

Then I got to come home to a family who tripped over each other with stories to share, who snuggled close to tell me they love me, who mentioned again and again how much I was missed. I am thankful that we have such wonderful mothers who made my departure easier on Derek...and I am grateful for a short respite from spit-up and diapers, to remind me of how good and sweet this time is after all. Sometimes the beauty of what we have is more clearly revealed upon stepping away from it for a moment. What a view.

Trick or Treat

I've never been a fan of Halloween, maybe because I've never had a love for masks or for candy. Show me a neighborhood where people give out Coldstone Creamery door-to-door and everyone promises NOT to wear strange plastic faces, and you'd have a deal. However...since our little crumb-crunchers entered the scene, the holiday is a whole lot more fun.


Ella decided on a butterfly fairy costume this year, and what a lovely little pink lady she was.We joined the Painters for a celebration at their place, with Willa and Zoe in tow.

Carson didn't object to the pumpkin suit that his sister wore a few years before. He was a pretty good sport about the whole thing and found Pam completely hilarious!

Mirror, mirror...

The New Normal

We're all doing our best to get used to life on the Merry-Go-Round. Ella is back at Montessori, Derek's classes have begun, and I have been back at work for three weeks, where I've cashed in all my "I dunno, that must have happened while I was out" chips. Now I'm in the thick of it. Balance is not something that comes easily to me; I spend a great deal of time, especially now, doing one thing and thinking of another in a feeble attempt to cover all my bases. Derek and I ask each other daily: before we had kids, what did we do all day? It's crazy, and hectic, but filled with belly laughs and fairy dust. I wouldn't trade a thing.

Carson has had an insatiable appetite, and now we know why; three weeks ago, he weighed 12.5 pounds and now—SIXTEEN! He is a tiny cherub with a contagious giggle that I'll try to post as soon as I can catch it on video.


Ella has had a little anxiety about being knocked down the totem pole. It has manifested itself in her adoption of two alter egos; the first is Baby Kelly, who crawls around, climbs on the boppy pillow and wants to sleep in Mommy's bed. We had some family visit last weekend and they brought her a pair of pink footie pajamas, which threw Ella into a total state of nirvana. She has not taken them off since. The grocery, the pharmacy, where ever. We make her wear normal clothes for school, but otherwise I maintain that a kid has only a few years where silly reigns. She could add a feather boa and a collander as a hat, and that would be fine with me.

The second of her new personas is the one who practices independence. She stands at the door with her backpack, staring through the glass with a dreamy look in her eye, plotting an elaborate trip to New York to see The Lion King on Broadway. She sings all the songs and talks to us about showtimes. Her newest trick is to capture the perfect vibrato by pounding her chest at the end of every long note. We do our best not to laugh, since this aspiration is a very serious matter. Maybe someday we'll be giving her a standing ovation.

The Huddle

This magical 10 weeks has come to an end. Tomorrow marks the day that I put on clothes without spit-up stains or drawstrings to rejoin the ranks of the Corporate Mom. Derek and Ella will follow shortly behind, returning to their daily obligations at school.

Derek and I, who have spent the last decade working full-time with the obligatory two weeks of vacation per year, were both allowed a reprieve from the daily grind for an entire summer as we welcomed our tiny boy into the world. What a gift to be afforded this time together to batten down the hatches and focus on what’s most important. It’s a scary proposition to some couples, I’m sure. Truth be told, I had some anxiety about an entire summer with no agenda and the three of us cooped up at home with our newborn. At the end of it, we know each other—I mean REALLY know each other—and we are stronger for it. I can pre-empt an Ella meltdown, use analogy to explain a loose concept in her language, or place a pillow behind Derek's head just before he sinks back in exhaustion. The signs had been there all along, but I was too preoccupied to see them. The bond is deeper now as Derek and I finish each other’s sentences. When Carson cries for visitors, we share a knowing glance. We know a hungry cry from the one that means he needs to be held a different way. We went from being splintered housemates with our cellphones and schedules and daycare pickups, to an inward-faced circle called Family. And the beauty of it all? When this huddle formed, we opened our eyes to really look at each other for the first time in months. Imagine my relief as I found myself staring at my three favorite people on earth. I knew that as Carson got to know this crazy family he was born into, he would soon feel the same way.

There are days that I’m sure he was ready to turn around and go back from whence he came...most likely the times that my hormones and sleep deprivation left me crying alongside him until the cadence of our midnight whimpers began to align. Then there are days we introduced him to uncontrollable laughter...tenderness...love. From his swing, he watched his dad and sister act as Baloo and Mowgli, crooning the entire duet of "The Bear Necessities," complete with swinging arms and booty-wiggles. He heard Van Morrison pour through the house as my exhausted embrace from Derek evolved into a slow dance in the moonlight of our art studio. He listened as Ella learned to read. He watched me mix paint for her while explaining how to paint a summer sky.

Indeed, he’s seen us at our worst and best. He felt his sister’s hand—the one that looked so small to us a few months ago—turn his head so she could whisper nightly secrets to him, most involving a tiny sales pitch: “Daddy will make you breakfast shaped like hearts, and Mommy will rub your feet and give you backies when you get bigger,” she'd whisper under the covers. He'd stare quietly back at her, his blue eyes wide open. She'd continue, “and it will make you feel so good you’ll want to kiss them all day.”

We did it. I think he’s decided to stick around.

Sand and Sun: Gulf Shores 2009

We had 2 weeks left before my return to work, Ella's return to Montessori, and Derek's fall classes. It was definitely time to join the Sands clan and head south for our annual trip to the beach. In the matter of 10 days, we were able to experience:

Sandy spelling lessons with Grandpa...

A first exposure to beach life...

a few good laughs...

some amazing quality time with Aunt Andrea...

and an abundance of hugs and snuggles.

I was lucky enough to get a full spa pedi from my favorite 4 year old

and I realized that this family can laugh through a hurricane...

because we're all insane.

(or maybe just blessed.)

Lastly, we made time for a few afternoon naps

and some important family huddles.

We got home last night and I am already thinking ahead to what next Tuesday brings. This magical summer will come to an end and we'll all get back on the hamster wheel. I am trying not to think about it, but it looms ahead like an approaching storm cloud.

But I'll save my thoughts on that for another post. For now I'm basking in the golden afterglow of a week at the shore.

Just when you think
your life will never be the same again...


He looks at you and smiles,
and you realize you are right.